In desperate need of tea, I set to work. Soon steam was rippling like transparent silk towards the dining room chandelier, free from the bonds of gravity. Hope was addressing me from the rotating tape deck on the table, insistent in its honest sincerity. Why joy? I wonder. Why joy in the worst of times? Because these are the best of times.
"It takes real faith in a real Christ to weather the storms," the tape deck declares. Do I dare believe? Do I dare "put my confidence in Christ alone"? In dissapointment also, He is trustworthy, it said. "Faith brings the glory of Christ in the present experience." He's the one I need, He's the one I want. Only. "When did I let myself forget again?" my pen wonders as it hushes across my journal page.
Why should I look to any other source for comfort? Or for hope, or joy, or fulfillment, or delight? My tea is cold, but I still see steam rising like rippling gray silk toward heaven. He has love that can intoxicate the soul. Because He is in Himself the essence of empathy. He knows.
"So I'm on my way back home into the hands that made the wine from the water, into the hands, the hands of the potter."
The tape said that peaceful coexistence is not love. It is not knowing and being known. My eyes trace the lines of glass panes in the china cabinet like a cathedral window. He loves beyond the love of honor or duty or "function." Oh God, help me to remember this tomorrow, and the next day and the next day.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Let go before you make yourself miserable again.
Its not fair. Who said anything about it being fair?
What about justice, though? What did I ever do to deserve this?
I'll just think of swear words in my head and then maybe I'll feel better.
No. Let go. Let go before you hurt yourself!
You hate me, don't you.
You must hate me or you would have done everything in
Your power to give me my own way. The world hates me, doesn't it.
I thought so.
No. Let go. Let go before you ride this trolley all the way to hell!
I'm not listening to you--you hate me.
I like this trolley, so just leave me alone.
No. Let go. Let go before its too late!
You know what? I can't even see you--you're not real so shove off.
I am real. I am here.
I don't care, don't you see? I don't care.
You know what? Why don't you find yourself a
Nice bridge, and jump of it, okay?
No. Let go. Let go my daughter of darkness, my
Hopeless child of fear and failure.
Let go. Let go and look up. I'm here.
Why? Why are you here? Everyone else left.
You hate me like everyone else--you're just
Trying to trick me.
No. Let go. I am here. I have always been here.
I will stay here forever.
I can't look up--my head is so heavy. Please
Don't ask me to try.
You won't have to try. I will lift it up. You will see me.
I made you. I love you. Love me.
Posted by Rebekah at 2:30 PM